Trust

In every relationships there must be trust and its the strongest bond between partners. There's no easy or smooth relationship anywhere without an absolute trust on your partner.

Trust is probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust is something that can be cultivated and nurtured if you will follow the guidelines below.

I can sum up the essence of building trust in one idea: Create a safe emotional space for your spouse. If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, than you are probably building an unsafe one.

If you are not actively working to build a safe emotional space, then you are probably building an unsafe one.

A colleague of mine who is known for his wisdom as an educator in Los Angeles defines an abusive relationship in the following way. He suggests that an abusive relationship is one in which one person is afraid to express his or her feelings and opinions.

Needless to say, an abusive relationship is one where there is no trust. The key to avoiding abuse and promoting trust is to consciously strive everyday to build a safe emotional space. And let me say at the outset that, if you feel you are in an abusive relationship based on the definition I just gave, seek help immediately. Never tolerate abuse!

GUIDELINES FOR CREATING SAFE EMOTIONAL SPACE

• Constantly work on improving your communication skills.

Develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop.

Being a good listener means you don't interrupt your spouse. This requires great discipline and respect. Learn to ask, "Are you finished?" Always make sure you've fully understood what the other person has said.

A simple tool to use for this is the well known "mirroring technique." You reflect back what the other person has said. It may sound a bit contrived but, believe me, it really works. What you have to learn to do is say something like, "Let me make sure that I've understood what you just said. It sounded to me that you want me to..."

If you are an "advanced" listener, try not only to reflect back the content, but the emotional tone as well. For example, "It seems you are really annoyed with me and you want me to be more careful the next time I..."

A crucial component of good communication is the consistent use "I-statements" as opposed to "you-statements." I statements unite, while you-statements alienate and create distance. An I-statement begins with "I feel ... " A you-statement begins with "You make me feel..."

A you-statement is almost always experienced as an attack. When I own my feelings and opinions by using an I-statement, I am communicating that I am taking responsibility for the issue and not blaming my spouse.

• Take responsibility to express your needs and express them clearly and assertively.

When a person feels he or she cannot express their needs to the other person, then this leads to a break down in trust.

We often don't express our needs for two reasons. Either we are afraid of rejection or we are afraid of feeling ashamed for having such needs.

When a couple can express and meet each other's needs consistently this is one of the most powerful ways to build trust in a relationship.

• Be positive and give pleasure.

We naturally trust people who treat us nicely and who seem to like us. It's very hard to distrust someone who seems to constantly be going out of his way to please you!

A key tool to use here is the "5 to 1 rule." This means that before you say anything negative to your spouse, you must have expressed at least five positive things. Only then, you are allowed to say something negative or critical.

• Don't allow issues to go unresolved.

This requires that a husband and wife develop good problem solving skills. I can't tell you how many couples I've worked with whose problems are rooted in a lack of problem solving skills.

When issues don't get resolved, then resentments develop and fester. And when resentments develop then trust is lost.

• Learn to fight fair.

Just in case you didn't know, fighting is a part of any good marriage! I mention this because there are some people who live with the naïve notion that in "good marriages" couples never fight. The problem is not that couples fight, but how they fight.

If you fight unfairly, then you destroy trust. If you fight fairly, you build trust. Here are a few important pointers to make sure that when you fight, you fight fair:

1. Never resort to name calling or putdowns.
2. Keep to the issue at hand. Never bring up old stuff that may be unresolved. The present fight is not a license to dump all your old garbage.
3. Never use phrases that are absolutes such as, "you never" or "you always."
4. Never bring the other person's family into the issue to support your case or to attack your spouse's.
5. Agree beforehand on a method how to take a time out if one of you feels that the fight is getting out of hand.
6. Don't start a fight later in the night, when you're both tired and therefore more likely to have less control over your emotions.
7. And again, do your best to use "I-statements" rather than "you-statements," which feel like attacks.

Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy. Be careful how you treat each other. Many people wrongly believe that in a good marriage, you can "relax" and not have to monitor everything you say and do. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

In a good marriage, you must always be monitoring your behavior. This is the key to building a strong relationship and trust.

How much do you care about your partner?

Most relationships dangles on little things that's seemly regarded by many as important tools in building a long and smooth lasting relationship with partners. These little things go a long way of keeping people together as its a way to show care for each other however its doesn't count how much times you have to use them each daily.

Just call or message to say 'I miss you' 'How are you', Hope everything is fine', 'I'll be home late', I'm just thinking about you', 'How are you doing'...

In relationship, keeping in touch is more than a requirement despite busy day at work place. Taking few minutes off to send a message, brief telephone, email or note to someone who truly care about you are few among seemly common things that keep relationships going. Your partner stays worried if he/she never hear anything about you for hours or even a day.

To build a stress free relationship with someone, you make sure you create at least a channel of communication between you and those that cares about you. Let them know your where about and current up to date incidents of your daily dealings.

Unnecessary worries and tension crouch supposedly relationship between or among people. Develop a listening habit in order to listen to them whenever issue arises, show concern on when needed, respond and return phone calls, exchange visit, know what's happening on both parties lives, discuss issues first before telling best friends. Seek each other opinion and don't take the risk of making wholesome decision alone that affects both of you.

Don't use weakness of your partner against him or her rather try to work on them in bringing your partner to standard that suits your taste if there's any such thing going on. People have come from different places, region, culture, background, ethnicity and least I forget religion! In all of these, learn to respect the differences and don't make the mistake of condemning one. Recognize the difference and try to see if its something you handle now or in future.

Its not also a must every relationship must work out fine with people involve no matter how happy they look or appear now. Statistics has it that 40% of every 100% relationship ends in marriages and 45% in long time relationships and 15% just didn't go anywhere. Therefore, I would advise here that people should not expect too much in a relationship until extreme lines have been crossed and future seems clearer.

To draw the curtain, parties must stay committed at 50-50 level to whatever interest that have brought them together in order to enjoy a stress free relationship. Above all, honesty is the watch word!

Holiday

Hey guys, its a lovely morning waking up with a thought of little something I pulled together to share my anticipation with friends and readers. Its holiday where no one has to work and an ideal time for fun seekers, thrill seekers and lovers to get things really going for them. Take time to create a moment that would last long in your relationship.

These proven moment appears to be saving tricks that has kept two people in a relationship or marriage going. Maybe a special candle dinner, watching the sunset together, wine tasting, writing notes to each other, going to see a movie together, dinner at the beach front or traveling to an exotic location to chill out. I strongly advise you guys to consider this as much needed stuffs to get away from stress at work. Five whole days isn't easy to come by you know. Remember, they mean a lot to your partner-Don't say I didn't tell you this. Have a good holiday!

Love

The sweetest thing ever in whole planet earth is falling in love with someone who possibly feel the same as you without hiding intention. To be in love is ever enjoyable than being out of it. When you love somebody you go extra miles to see your partner happy. Love goes way beyond mere mouth confessions. Its simply base on actions. I'm a true believer of it and you would agree with me true love does exist and even now.

WHAT WOMEN WANTS IN A MAN

Women across the globe wants same thing from men and if you doubt me kindly carry out your own research then tell me what you think might be different. They want their men to be proud  of them, be around them anytime, tell others good things about them, stay faithful, love them, travel with them when necessary, supportive,  productive, helpful, smart, good looking, presentable, respectful, polite, you name it. The list goes on!

Women walk away from relationships not because they actually want to but to see if men truly would chase after them (depending on the situation please) as this is not recommended. 

This same rotating and generational list of women are seemly simple but hard to meet by men in building trust worthy relationships or marriages and when this is the problem, kindly follow the steps below;

When she walks away from you mad [ Follow her ]

When she stares at your mouth [ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit's you [ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start's cussing at you [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she's quiet [ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore's you [ Give her your attention ]

When she pull's away [ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst [ Tell her she's beautiful ]

When you see her start crying [Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she's scared [ Protect her ]

When she lay's her head on your shoulder [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal's your favorite hat [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease's you [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time [ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look's at you with doubt [ Back yourself up ]

When she say's that she like's you [ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab's at your hands [ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]

When she bump's into you [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell's you a secret [ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes [ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you [ she's hurting inside ]

When you break her heart [ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over [ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin [ she wants you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go

- When she says she's ok don’t believe it, talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

If you CAN put this into practice in next four days with someone you truly admire, then the end result will be positive. I dare anyone in relationship dilemma to try this and please note also that these are not proven steps in reviving worsen relationship stuffs. Thanks
•Call you.
•Kiss you.
•Love you.
•Text you.